I am so full right now. My friends have heard me utter that phrase a million gazillion times, and I think everyone is sick of it by now. I think I just ate my last chocolate wafer (after stuffing about 10-odd in my mouth). My relationship with junk food goes back a long way. My mum was not the kind to control my diet freakishly, the way I think I would actually control my kid because I am a control-freak with OCD issues. But having said that, I remember watching Aladdin when I was young and the part where the genie granted him 3 wishes really excited me.
I was what, 5? I’m not sure, but I remember sharing with my brothers (with my eyes gleaming from excitement), “doesn’t that mean that I can wish for 100 paddle pops? Or never-ending paddle pops?” I remember them laughing and mocking at my choice, because.. you know. Wishes are meant for more than just rainbow-coloured ice cream on a wooden stick. I loved paddle pops, chocolate fudge ice cream, any ice cream on a stick. I used to buy many chocolate fudge ice creams for my elder siblings also because the joy I got from eating them was so immense that, bless my kind little heart, I wanted to share it so badly with them.
I also remember saving up my allowance so that I could buy Mars bars from the provision shop downstairs. Many a times, I also wished that my dad was the owner of a provision shop. (That would have been my 2nd wish then!) I thought it would be like waking up in wonderland, being able to choose from all my favourite snacks, stemming from the Mammee monster noodles to the Super Cheese Rings that would stain my fingers, hands, lips, and face all orange. I loved them all so much.
And the sad truth of it all is that I’m still that junk-food-addicted little girl. I never grew out of it. It got much worse during my secondary school days (please ask my friends for the grotesque evidence) and improved a little after that, but nothing much worth commending (A Kinder Bueno A Day doesn’t deserve much praise). And I never liked feeling that bloatedness and pimplyness and all kinds of negative thoughts after eating. But I went (and I still go) for that high while consuming the sugar/salt-saturated processed junk.
Since I started my healthy eating quest, I have been good at stopping it for short stretches of time. But I have realized that once it is available, I’m a goner. Once I pop one in my mouth, it never stops. It goes on and on until the whole packet is finished. And my stomach suffers for it, my health, and my incessant whining causes others to suffer too.
I think it’s time for me to (wo)man up and let go of this drug that has controlled me since my adolescence. The only consolation I will allow is that I have become a dark chocolate fan so I will still eat that once in a while. But other than that, I will let go of this junk habit. And I have to make it stick. I have to make it stop. I have to learn how to listen to my body, and control my insatiable desires for the sugar (or salt) high. Bye junk, you have ruled my life for long enough. If people can kick smoking, I’m sure I can kick this habit too. I’m done, and I’m SO over you. I really am.
